You know… You have never made me cry before.
You’re always so cautious of the feelings of those around you. You couldn’t let anyone actually feel the way you have always been scared that they feel. You are so scared of stepping on someone’s toes, that you refuse to move. You can’t take a single step for fear of landmines and broken hearts.
I have tried meeting you in your minefield. I have come up to you and we sat. You in your spot, me right next to you. We laughed there in that field. We pretended the landmines were dandelions and made wishes on them. You wished you could move, and so did I. I wished that I could help you navigate the horrors of your life.
We had a picnic instead. I ate biscuits with honey. You ate it dry. The honey is sweet, I would say. You would still turn it down.
I would take off my shoes and let the grass crawl between my toes. You would sit on the blanket your feet placed firmly in your boots.
You would tell a story. I would tell a joke. We would laugh. And in your laugh, I saw so many things. I saw the depth of your mind. Your mind full of oceans and mountains and caves with dragons. I could hear in your laughter, a whisper. A whisper of courage in the fear. A glimmer of light danced in your eyes while the rest of you stood motionless.
I tried to build a house around you. I gave you walls and a roof. But the house I had built could not be your haven. I tried to fill it with flowers and sunshine. The flowers wilted and you closed the blinds.
I tried to draw you out. I danced around you to show the ground was safe. That the land was good and you could be free, all you had to do was take a step. But I would not make you move. I wanted you to move yourself. I wanted you to let go. It was not fair for me to push you beyond the box you had drawn in the dirt.
The box was a map of your whole world. You were safe there. You needn’t go any further. To someone on the outside the map you had made seemed small. But it was far more vast than they could have known. You had the oceans and mountains in your mind. You had slayed many dragons and still you continued to fight. You continued to battle against the monsters and the demons that haunted you.
And so much of me wanted to be there with you. Sailing those oceans, hiking to the mountain peak, battling villains, riding off into the sunset. I could see that sunset in your eyes. So close, but just beyond reach.
Because even though I saw all that you were, you would not let me in your box. So, I tried to draw you out. To get you to let the waters in your mind spill over. To pour out for me to see.
But still you wouldn’t budge. Not even for me.
I have spent day and night waiting for glimpses of you. I hope someday you will let him out, and you, too, will escape. But still I must continue on my way towards the unknown. I dream of you by my side as I carry on.
So, no; you didn’t step on my toes. But still my heart is broken. And every tear that I cry, will go right into your ocean.
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